May 16, 2012 | Subscribe

Completely lost....

By athlete91 on Mon, 01-16-12, 09:46

Posted in Group:

Coming Out

I just joined this group today and am hoping it can be helpful in some way. Here's my story... I'm 21 years old and I met this girl when I was 16 who was a little bit older than I was and I instantly felt this attraction to her and got all those nervous, giddy, exciting feelings when I would see her, think about her, talk to her etc. I had NEVER experienced this before with anyone so it definitely threw me for a loop... slowly I started to realize that I liked her. I knew she was gay and that she had a girlfriend but I couldn't help it. It was the first time I ever felt attracted to a girl before and it was the first time I couldn't control how I felt about someone. Usually I could "control" how much I liked the guys I dated... I thought that was normal to be able to control those feelings. And then I met this girl and I suddenly had no control over my feelings and I couldn't push them away no matter how hard I tried. She really flirted with me and led me on but she said she couldn't be with me because I was too young... stayed with the girl she was with for about 2 years. We ended up hooking up 2 days after her and that girl broke up. But 2 years had gone by and I STILL was thinking about her and wanting her and had all these feelings for her still. So now we have been together for over 2 years but not many people know. In fact, her ex actually told my family in an email that her and I were together when it had only been one week which really messed things up in my life and I shut down. I started lying when I hung out with her and distanced myself from almost everyone in my life except her. We stayed together but things have gotten worse. I want to move forward with her and tell my family and friends and be honest with them but for some reason I just feel like I can't even though it has been over 2 years. I don't know if it is because I am not 100% certain if I am gay or not. There are days where I really think I am, because she is the only person in my life I have ever felt this way about and I have never looked at a guy the way I look at her. But then there are days where I wonder if this is what I want forever... I guess in my head I feel like I can control it? I mean I know I can't but I don't know how to figure out if I definitely am gay and I am just in denial...or is it just her that I like but I can be straight? I don't know. I just know that I don't ever get these feelings for guys at all... but she is wanting an answer soon because she wants to move forward with her life. She is about 7 years older than I am so she is in a completely different spot in her life than I am but I want to try and make it work I think. I am not sure what to do anymore...

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By JessicaC on Mon, 01-16-12, 10:28

see... it shouldn't be this complicated... i mean love always is, but it shouldn't have to be any more complicated than anyone else loving anyone else.

People.... family, the media, society, people have to make this such a huge stupid deal... make soemthing traumatic that shouldn't be... if you feel something you can't even just FEEL it... you can't just openly figure it out, sit down and talk to your frienda and family about it like you should... there are all of these "issues" making everythig bigger than it has to be... that sucks.

It can damage people... it often creates problems for their self-esteem, makes relationships co-dependent or otherwise damaged that may not have been otherwise... a person not being able to have an open relationship and having to keep it secret can lead to staying in abusive situations and it's just stupid.

I'm not saying your situation is abusive... I'm just saying that your relationship shouldn't have to be this complicated. okay anyway... sorry rant about the injustice of homophobia....

I think that since your family has already been told, that you should just tell them... I'm not gay so have never had to deal with this, but I have watched friends go through this and I know that some of them have had a worse reaction than they expected and a lot have had a better reaction than they expected... but not one of them regretted having done it after they had. They are able to live their lives as thier authentic selves. When you are able to be open then you will pronbably be better able to understand how you REALLY feel... when you have friends to talk to about this then you will be better able to look at it objectively.

I was about to do something awesome again, but I told myself, "Enough is enough! That's plenty of awesome for one day."

"They say that marriage is about making two lives into one... nobody told me that meant we both would end up becoming HIM"

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By pickles1972 on Mon, 01-16-12, 22:16

I am a bit older than you but I hope this is somewhat helpful. I am also going through a confusing time with trying to know if what I am experiencing toward a women 9 years younger than me is real or not. I met her when I was 38 and she was 29, we are still in contact and I still feel a deep seeded emotion that feels like love to me- enough about me... My two cents for you is: You were young when you met her, still trying to find yourself let alone someone to love. Part of your confusion might also be about the love aspect itself, not only the gender- meaning, do you really want to commit your life to one person at this young stage in your life. If you love her, love her and her only and completly. If your not sure, give yourself some time to explore other relationships regardless of gender and see what transpires. I made a commitment to my husband when I was 18, I've been married 20 years and a year ago I feel completely head over heals for a woman- WOW! You just never know and things, such as life and the plans you had for it do change. Regardless, I wish you the best of luck. Marie

Take all that you've been given and live life for all it's worth- Marie

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By puerto rican princess on Tue, 02-21-12, 21:38

i know how hard it is too be lost and not able to come out in this world hopefully things will get better

ptsd is ruining my life..........

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